I’m sure if you’re married, then you are well aware of the question most people ask you after you tie the knot. I laugh a little bit thinking about it because I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked when Robert and I are going to start having children. If this didn’t happen to you then feel blessed, because the older you get, the more awkward answering the question becomes. Early into our marriage I could easily slip in the “we’re working on it”, but after the months turned into years, answering the question became increasingly difficult as I became convinced that people started to question if we even knew how to make a baby. 

It was obvious that neither of us were getting younger, but let me tell you, people have a difficult time handling the truth. Avoiding the awkward topic of infertility, I simply started telling people that Robert and I have a dream of joining the circus and we simply don’t want to subject our children to that type of lifestyle. For whatever reason, that was better accepted than we were struggling with getting pregnant. If you know me, then you know that I tend to joke around a lot, but when it came to my struggle to become a Mom, it was a subject better left unsaid. For me at least, there are only so many times you can hear “it will happen some day” or better yet, “you’ll be grateful one day that you never had children.” 

It’s cringeworthy when I reflect on some of the remarks that have been shared with me when I was open and honest, but the truth is that it’s an uncomfortable topic that most people would rather not talk about, so Robert and I have kept it to ourselves for the most part. Without digging too deep into my long and humdrum story, I wanted to share a little bit of encouragement for someone who has been waiting on the Lord for a miracle. 

Psalm 77:14 says, “You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.” A miracle is defined as a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency. This means that even when everything is impossible by natural or scientific laws, they are not impossible through the God of miracles. 

I don’t think I could begin to explain how much I want to be able to take all of the natural and scientific reasoning and rewire my brain to combat it with the truths written in the book of life. Sometime ago I found myself asking God to not only create in me a clean heart, but also to mould me into a biblical warrior against all things evil that creep into my mind and pull me further from my savior. 

The biblical warrior in me would be so nose deep into the word of God that she would fight within the spiritual realm all demons and principalities with the truth given to her. As a result of her effort to seek God intensionally, she would rest in the midst of uncertainty, in the lowest valley, and directly in the eye of the storm. 

It is true that God gave me his living truth in the form of the Bible to ward off the enemy, to build my hope, and give me strength. But, that wasn’t the primary reason. He gave me his living truth to tell me who he is, what he has done, and what he has yet to do. He gave me his living and breathing truth so that I may know that uncertainty, valleys, and storms are remnants of a battle that has already been won against an opponent that has already been destroyed, and the faith I hold precludes me from natural and scientific reasoning alone. 

If you would have told me on my wedding day (July 16th, 2016) that within a year I wouldn’t just be celebrating my anniversary, but the blessing of starting a family I would have told you to get thee behind me satan. If you told me that I would spend years on my knees begging God for a miracle that would be beaten down by natural and scientific reasoning I would have turned you away. If you told me that the one time I received my miracle, I would soon be back on my knees in tears as the thing I prayed for the most would be back in the arms of God before my arms ever had a chance to experience it, I would have been crushed. 

If you told me that I would still be praying for that miracle nearly seven years later with every bit of natural and scientific reasoning against me, I’m not sure I would have prayed as fervently. If you told me that when I moved to every option outside of the scientific and the natural to build a family that every door would close, I wouldn’t have believed you. It’s a miracle in and of itself that we live in the present because I am positive I wouldn’t have been able to handle the truth before I was able to live it out.

So as Robert and I remain in prayer over this broken body of mine, our hearts have pressed to open the doors of our home to foster care and adoption through foster care. Having had the door closed through domestic and international because of the natural and scientific, we find ourselves in complete and utter surrender to Christ. As our home becomes open to be a place of rest and peace while we serve and pray for the healing of broken families, we press forward outside of the natural and scientific.

This wasn’t an easy decision and with a mending heart it was surreal and beyond humbling to open up everything about my life, my past, my present, my marriage, my family and my future to someone else just to get approval to care for a child. But even when I feared that I wasn’t enough and that my imperfections would outweigh my heart, God carried me above the natural and the scientific. It was one text message from the case worker who spent over 5 hours questioning Robert and I like we were on a judgement stand that broke the shell of protection I felt I needed around my heart from all the disappointment. 

Below is the text I received after she left our home…

As of today, February 28th, 2023, Robert and I are officially licensed in the state of Texas to foster and adopt children out of the foster care system. I’m not sure if I will ever be a Mom, whether it be naturally or through adoption. But what I do know is that whether God blesses me with a successful pregnancy, we welcome a child into our home that never leaves, or my heart and home becomes a revolving door of miracles for children and their biological families… Worthy Worthy is the Lord God Almighty!

Even in the midst of uncertainty, he consistently fulfills his promises filled with mercy and compassion, remaining near to my mending heart while covering me with his Holy Spirit. 

“Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” John 12:3 

This verse has weighed heavily on my heart as I have tried to put myself in Mary’s shoes as she broke the alabaster jar in adoration of Jesus. What would my alabaster jar look like today, and if I had it at hand would I fall to my knees and break it in adorning worship of my savior?

It was no secret that Mary broke the jar and poured it over Jesus’ feet, because the scent would have permeated the house quickly. Even though we can confirm her actions were of sincere and humble servitude to worship God through Jesus’ defense in verse 7, that didn’t stop Judas from criticizing her actions. The alabaster jar that Mary broke was worth a years wages, and Judas made sure she knew that by questioning why the jar wasn’t sold so the money could be given to the poor. 

From the outside looking in, the eyes of the world would see selling the jar to serve the poor as the right and practical thing to do. Even though Judas’ rebuttal didn’t come from his concern over the poor, his words could easily convince people who are looking at the physical sacrifice as opposed to the spiritual offering. 

Not every situation is black and white leading me to believe that the right thing to do isn’t always practical. For a God that is more precious than silver, more costly than Gold, and more beautiful than diamonds what is a years wages in the form of an alabaster jar of perfume? It wasn’t the cost of the perfume that glorified God, it was the pure love of Jesus within Mary’s heart that captivated Him. 

We don’t own anything of enough value to glorify God as everything already belongs to him. Our belongings are only temporarily held in our care and given on an as needed basis so that God’s plan can be lived out. What God desires is our heart, “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:21)

My alabaster jar isn’t anything that I own, it’s the offering of a pure heart covered by the blood of the lamb in worship. I believe that Mary’s situation was circumstantial as in her focus of worship with a clean and pure heart she broke the jar. I believe this flows over to our own lives as our actions need to be completed daily with a clean and pure heart of worship. It didn’t matter if the alabaster jar of perfume was sold for the poor or broke in adoration, what mattered is that Mary sought Jesus to create in her a pure heart and the intentions of her actions reflected that. 

I pray that God would create in me a clean and pure heart of worship, so that whether I am praising in song or scrubbing the kitchen floor, I will remember that my life is in the palm of his hand and that my actions will permeate an incense of praise satisfying my savior. 

I’m not sure about you, but my brain wasn’t designed to handle too much at once. There was a period in my life where I felt like wonder woman because technology essentially allowed me to balance more in one day than my body was designed to complete over the course of a month. There was this preconceived notion that presented itself before me daily that I could do it all, and I expected myself to accomplish whatever those tasks were. I had to be a living example of Christ. By his stripes I was healed, and through his strength I needed to accomplish everything with perfection. 

For whatever reason, be it the fault of my love of pretty things or Pinterest, my heart didn’t just desire to complete each task, but to complete each task with class so others could smile and bask in the beauty of all God has created. Fellowship and family is where my heart is. Having grown up in a home that was filled with church friends, neighbors, blood relatives, and foster siblings, the definition of family had a lot of ambiguity. We never had enough room and we surely didn’t have enough time, but we managed to pull everything we set to accomplish with a smile on our faces.

My desire for perfection derived from these moments of fellowship and family. What’s funny is that absolutely nothing was “perfect” in the eyes of man looking from the outside in, but in the eyes of those who needed it, nothing else could compare. I have tried to recreate that atmosphere in my own home as an adult, using the beauty and perfection my mind has recalled from the past, only to be met with an overflow of disappointment. 

A few days ago, I was in prayer and I asked God why is it that things seem so much more difficult to accomplish now than they did in the past? Why do those moments of joy, laughter, homemade food, endless smiling faces and late night stragglers seem so far away? My heart has been riddled with a desire to bring back a revival in my own home where the fire was still burning out back surrounded by a few lawn chairs filled with the final stragglers of the night holding a cup of Joe and laughing about absolutely nothing in particular late into the night. 

In the process of prayer over this never ending desire for my home to be a living vessel of God’s love, which is always open and ready for the local crusade, the thoughts of past happenings of my own attempts begin to creep in. Within seconds, my spirit is crushed and the feeling of becoming overwhelmed sets in pretty much simultaneously. It doesn’t take long to convince myself that the happenings of the past will be the guarantee of the future. 

When I was younger I never wondered about the little things, like do we have enough space or what will people think. It wasn’t until I got older and people started to critique everything I did with areas of opportunity down to who I should and should not invite. I used to take a lot of these things to heart because I wanted bring a smile and a dash of life into every situation. The result was just things becoming way more complicated than they ever needed to be. 

If you pair the unnecessary complication of fellowship with the constant reminder surrounding me daily through every public outlet that I am overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, tired, and barely have time for God let alone my community, the seeds that were designed to be planted never even make it into the soil. 

If that isn’t enough to bare, don’t forget you now have the responsibility of the whole world on your shoulders. What used to be your country and its leaders, plus your local community, has turned into every country, every state, every leader, every town, every community, every ministry and every person in it. Three minutes on social media or on the news and I have enough prayer requests to occupy me for the next 2 hours, enough Go Fund Me requests to clear out my bank account within seconds and enough misery and sadness to take in that I feel guilty even having joy in my life. 

The more and more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn’t the homemade potato salad, vacuuming the floors and a few hours on a Saturday afternoon that was overwhelming me. It was the constant overflow of the commentary from the peanut gallery, along with things of this world that was being presented before my eyes like a revolving door that I felt I had responsibility over. The fact is, the peanut gallery can find somewhere else to go and the weight of this world belongs to God, not me. God didn’t put me here on this earth to be responsible to pray over every country, every state, every leader, every town, every community, every ministry and every person in it by name. You can throw in your, “God I pray for everything” prayer, but the fact is God placed us exactly where we need to be for our local community. 

We’re not God, we’re his children and we’re here to spread the gospel so that others may find freedom in Jesus through what he did at the cross. So that is what God has been pouring all over my heart. I’m not overwhelmed and I do not have too much on my plate. Just keep it local girl. We joke about shopping local, but reality should keep everything in our lives local. 

Be there for your immediate family and community. Pray for them, serve them, love them and let God use the believers in other communities and locations to be there for those close to them. Missionaries don’t mission from afar, they pick up and take their whole lives and their families to serve a specific place. We might not be making the life changing sacrifice they are, but we are missionaries in our own community. 

Shop local, live local, pray local and serve local. Don’t take on the weight of the world when God gave a task before you that is not too hard to accomplish if you remove all the fluff surrounding it. I’m not saying God won’t place things on your heart to give grace over, just like I might find a few neat things online while shopping. I’m just saying that we weren’t designed to fix the world, we were designed to love and serve our local communities through the love of God.

In the midst of praise and worship is my favorite place to be. Whether it be the praise in the beginning, the worship in-between or my awestruck spirit when the music fades, I love it. Sometimes it’s while I am at church, in my car or lying in bed writing my heart out, but there is always this peace that overwhelms me when all that’s left is me and the Holy Spirit in complete silence. 

When I reach this level of peace, I begin to build up this motivation in my heart that wants to do more than just live my life one step at a time. I want to come to the alter and bring something that will, in my own eyes, be worthy Glory for God. I want to do something more than just hold the door open for the one behind me, smile at the one walking past me, or pray silently for another in need. 

Recently, at church, we went through a 4-week series called “At the Movies.” Each week, the pastoral group picked movies with solid moral foundations and compared them to life through the eyes of Christ. In an attempt to bring the stories to reality, like Jesus did when he spoke in parables, our pastor tried to highlight biblical messages through the lens of the characters in the movies. Initially, I was unsure how the sermons would play out successfully, but I quickly found myself getting more and more excited every weekend when the congregation would synchronize the opening of their canned beverages in anticipation of what correlated movie/sermon would be next. 

On a personal level, my friends and family got to the point that we were trying to guess what movie would be chosen next. I had a lot of fun rolling ideas back and forth with my husband, debating between films like Indiana Jones and Star Wars. We took the time to pick apart each movie we watched with a meaning and a purpose, while trying to see it through the eyes of Christ to become a modern day parable. 

While we went back and forth each week, there is one movie that stood out to me time and time again: Disney/Pixar’s “The Incredibles,” and I’d love to share with you why. 

This particular film, if you haven’t seen it, is based in a 1960’s themed alternate universe, where super heroes protect their local community while residing as normal people living their own lives behind the scenes. 

Robert Parr, better known as “Mr. Incredible,” is the main character in the film, that from the very beginning (when everything is going well) is portrayed as a freakishly strong, fit, confident, and intuitive man with a good heart to help his community and put an end to crime. As the story progresses, however, you start to see things fall apart in his life. Not necessarily his life altogether, but the things that he found his strength and confidence in. The place where he was often complimented and given an overabundance of honor. 

When jealousy and one sided front page newspaper opinions began to question the integrity behind his actions for his community, you first handedly see him begin to fall apart. When the community clung to the headlines and the others stayed quiet in fear of causing troubles in their own lives if they spoke out against it, he was eventually pushed into complete hiding. By this point, you see his blood run cold, his mind become distracted and his efforts be turned completely into getting back to where he was so he can be of good use again. 

In this moment in the film, I could see myself, and my own struggles, in Mr. Incredible. When we find our self-worth, even with good intentions for Christ, in the things of this world, it won’t be very hard to fall apart. Deep down inside, I may want to be an evangelist speaking fearlessly in the streets of the Middle East, but maybe I was designed to fearlessly talk someone’s ear off on a bus until they get off one exit early in hopes of freeing themselves from my inability to shut up.

I may not be able to lift a two ton car and throw it across the city, turn water into ice with my hands, stretch my limbs into crazy positions or run faster than a cheetah, but I can cook moist chicken, I can drive a manual transmission vehicle, I know how to manually refill a toilet tank when the pulley (my husband has since informed me the word I am looking for here is “flapper”) is broken, and I can find something to talk about no matter what the place or situation, and with any person. Hey-yo!

Obviously, Disney/Pixar will not be making a movie about me anytime soon. Honestly, with my array of menial talents, I might end up having to pay them to allow me to refill a toilet water tank or grill some moist chicken on a portable food cart in the background of a scene just to be in it. I laugh as I write this, but I’m sure (or at least I hope!!) I am not the only one who feels this way. 

When my talents do come in handy and I feel like I am of use, I feel unstoppable. When I am reminded verbally and mentally from others around me that I am doing well, I feel on top of the world. I feel like I can accomplish anything, my faith is strong, my heart is soft and my mind is clear. With my list of talents I have shared with you, you can imagine how often I feel on top of the world. If only my toilet bowl could shoot off some fireworks after I manually refill it or all the lights in my car put off a disco show after I drove from my house to the Dollar General without stalling.

But like Mr. Incredible, when my talents I am most proud of fail me or are taken from me, or the affirmations from friends and family don’t come,I find myself in a test that I often fail as I try hard to dig into my own strength instead of the Lord’s.  

Imagine if Mr. Incredible looked the media straight in the eye when his integrity was questioned and quoted Hebrews 13:6(“So I say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”),then picked his head up with dignity and left the room with confidence knowing God had him in the palm of his hand. We wouldn’t have had a movie, but it would have been pretty phenomenal. Definitely a mic drop moment! 

He could have then walked off, even if still forced into hiding, and began a new chapter in his life planned by God to bring God honor. Having just married Elastigirl when everything appeared to be falling apart, maybe it was his moment to build his inner strength while maintaining the outward strength God had previously worked with him on. Instead, he focused on what he had perfected and dwelled in sorrow that he wasn’t able to be used in such a way that he could be perfect each time. 

Like Mr. Incredible, I too fall into that trap more often than I care to admit. As things get worse, I feel like I can’t accomplish anything, my faith starts being tested, my heart begins to harden and my mind becomes puzzled. I look in the mirror and I ask myself, “Who am I looking at?” I don’t recognize the woman reflecting back at me. I know better than to behave this way, because I know the truth. Yet, every time crap hits the fan, there I go sitting in the corner of the room to ensure every piece has an option to make direct contact with my body so I can sulk and play victim before God. 

I sit there wanting God to come wipe me clean, pick me up, restore my heart, encourage my life and put me back on the path he wrote specifically for me. I’m his child, isn’t that what parents do? They’re always there to pick us up when we fall, wipe us clean, restore our hearts, encourage our lives and help us get back on track. I turn to praise and worship, I run into the closet to pray and repent, and I seek out his word like I would seek water in the desert, yet there I am still sitting in the same corner, covered with crap (the metaphorical kind, just to be clear) and running on fumes. 

It took Mr. Incredible, bound by chains and believing he lost his entire family to realize that he wasn’t Mr. Incredible by his own means. He was left hopeless when everything that truly mattered was wiped away to the point that even his great talents could’t bring them back. When I myself focus too much on what I am doing, as opposed to the One I am doing it for, the enemy doesn’t even need to do much work. I essentially put myself in the chains of hopeless destruction in my giant pile of crap all by myself.

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?” Hebrews 12:7

I often remind everyone around me that love is a verb. We love with our actions, so when we’re out and about, angry, sad or happy, we need to remember to act it out in love. To endure, much like love, is itself an action. We endure by suffering with something difficult or painful patiently. In Hebrews 12:7, we’re called to endure hardship as discipline, because God is treating us as his children.

With that said, the first couple of times I found myself sulking in the corner, God, like the wonderful Father He is, picked me up and cleaned me up. During the process, with no effort on my behalf, He showed me how I can avoid ending up in that corner altogether by allowing Him to guide my life. He even showed me that, even if I fail to avoid it, He has given me every resource to get out on my own though His loving grace, in prayer, and with His word. He was even gracious enough to be by my side through the whole process every time, with the presence of the Holy Spirit.

[Spoiler Alert] At the end of “The Incredibles”, it turns out Robert Parr’s family survives the crash he believed took their lives because of recent decisions he made in his life. He immediately comes out of his presence of defeat and is given a renewed sense of hope. He even smiles at the sounds of his wife’s bickering because of his actions and the situation they were in because “he was just happy they were alive”. He even manages to let his family in and use his newly discovered inner strength in conjunction with his external strength, and allowed his family and friends in to help him save Metroville from Buddy Pine (Syndrome). 

Of course, things don’t always work out as perfectly in the real world as they do in movies, but one thing is for sure. The reason for endurance through hardships are all the same. The world might have seen Mr. Incredible, but God knew Robert Parr, because He was the one who created him. Even though it was just a fictional story, we can use his life as an example that God will take your greatest weaknesses and your greatest strengths, and use them to recalibrate your life to draw you closer to him while being light to the world. 

The corner exists and it does for all of us. The corner that I sulk in amidst my own pity may not look identical to yours, but we all suffer from hardship in our lives. We never have to stay there, because God created a way out in every challenging situation we find ourselves in. We endure them with patience using His loving grace, in prayer, with his word and paired together with the presence of His Holy Spirit. 

There is nothing that this world can do to destroy a spirit that is reborn through the blood of the lamb. Every gift of God we are blessed with is precious because He is the one who made it. Even if the world doesn’t see it as precious, we can rest assured that God does. 

In Zephaniah 3:17 we are reminded “The Lord God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” 

Can you imagine, not only will He take great delight in us, we will be serenaded by our Heavenly Father. The same God who created the voices of Freddie Mercury, Whitney Houston, Frank Sinatra, and Luciano Pavarotti will be singing over you because of His great love for us. It is true that the things of this world that dwell in sin will all burn away, but the things directed at God will forever reign. 

It’s so crucial to see ourselves through the eyes of God and we do so by filling our hearts, eyes, minds and spirits with the words of God himself. The God who thought our personalities into existence, knitted us in our mothers womb, sent His only Son on behalf of our sin and then the Holy Spirit so we never have to endure in patience the hardships of this world alone. 

So love yourself, not because you’re “Incredible”, but because the God who created you is. Enjoy the talents, both great and menial in the eyes of the world, because they are precious to your creator. Use them, fervently with dignity to bring God honor and to draw others closer to the light. Awkward situations, being spoken down on, dirty looks, being left out, finishing last, never getting the opportunity to start, missing the exit, and starting last does not equate to failure.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

Jesus took care of it all, there is no need for us to be held back by the way the world sees us. So, as I personally grow stronger each day in the challenges God has allowed me to endure, I will look forward to never stepping foot in that corner again and embrace every awkward situation because of my quirky and sometimes overbearing personality. I say this because it is a delight for my Father, because my perseverance will remain in my race to draw nearer to Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior.

I have a confession to make. For the last two years I have been heartlessly roasting my Mom for her overnight obsession with K-Dramas. I have watched her laugh, cry and swoon for hours on end reading the television while simultaneously trying to watch people act it out. Every now and then, she would hold me down so I could watch/read a little here and there, but I could never get into it. 

Well, a few weeks ago, after telling my Mom no for so long, I finally agreed to watch a K-Drama series from beginning to end. I left the choice up to her and promised we would watch one episode per day over the course of sixteen days. I barely got through the first episode and kicked and screamed when we had to watch the second, but by the time we got to the third, I think I was hooked. 

I can say that because our sixteen day venture quickly became a mere five days. Initially, like Hallmark movies the acting was subpar, the budget was at most $5,000 and the storyline was near unbelievable. Yet, as the series progressed, there was something that got me hook, line and sinker and that is the amount of time the production team puts into the connection between the main characters. In a 45 minute episode you have at least 15 minutes of long stares coupled with sweet background music giving you the opportunity to feel the love at every moment throughout the episode. 

Being the lover of sweet romanticism that I am, I was so excited that I had found a new niche. As a matter a fact, I even ordered a mini pocket speaker so my husband could randomly walk through a door or stop in his tracks while playing some 90’s R&B and stare deep into my eyes so I can remake the heartfelt moments in these episodes. I mean, who wouldn’t want to live out their own romance novella in real life? 

Love stories are my favorite, even in the Bible. One of my favorites being Ruth and Boaz. As I read through Ruth, God gives us the foundation of the story, but if you take a step back and let your imagination fly as you read through it, you can imagine what each moment was like and allow your heart to flair. 

The story of Ruth and Boaz is so similar to the way they lead characters in K-Dramas are presented. Boaz fell in love with Ruth’s loyalty and to show his attraction to the person she was inside he would leave tokens of extra food for her to make her life easier. In K-Dramas the beauty isn’t the foundation of attraction but rather the heart and spirit inside the woman that brings out the glow of beauty on the outside. 

I hold these story lines near and dear to my heart because I know I am not the most attractive person. Even with a ton of effort I’m not exactly turning heads as I walk by. With that said I never allowed my lack of outward beauty squash how I felt about myself overall. Beauty really does start in the inside and radiates out. I truly believe God always intended it to be that way. I’m not saying I haven’t struggled from time to time, but I knew in my heart that God had someone planned for me from the beginning of time and as a young woman I decided to wait for God to bring him to me.

In my mind I envisioned I would meet him in my teens, it didn’t really matter where. He’d have a heart for the Lord, a love for family, a big endearing smile, a mind filled with dreams and maybe, just maybe he’d wear a baseball cap. Sometimes when I wasn’t keeping my eyes focused that baseball cap would try to fight with the heart for the Lord, but God always found ways to keep me in check.

I can’t help but giggle as I share this with you because there were times I thought I knew what God had planned for me. When “THE ONE” walked through the doors of the church and threw his hands up in the air to praise God, Tevin Campbell started singing in the background “I’m Ready” while the Babyface in me was closing her eyes and thanking God that she found the one. But, time after time it was never what it seemed to be and was always just a thought in my mind and a subtle but quickly passing beat to my heart. 

So many times the enemy would scheme his way into my mind and make me believe I wasn’t enough to be loved by a boy. He would always distract me so I would look and compare myself to others always making me feel less than. He attacked my face, my weight, my rambunctious personality, my intelligence and as a result it sunk my heart and made me think I would one day have to settle for someone who was willing to say “I do”. 

The insane thing behind it all is that I always knew the truth, all I needed to do was believe and trust God. See, God is not a God of the ordinary. He is the God of the extraordinary. He is the God that created the moon and the stars. He’s the God who is himself the definition of love. He is the God who turned water into wine, created strawberries and chocolate, saxophones and even made sure that each member of Dru Hill would cross paths so that we can get weak in the knees while they sing about the times we’ve all wished for. So why wouldn’t my love story be anything less than extraordinary if it was created at the hand of my Father in Heaven? 

I don’t have all the time in the world to go through each and every step, but I am lead to share with you how. Hindsight being 20/20, God really is something else. I’ve been spending the last few days writing through this and I have found myself running up to Robert and giving him more unexpected kisses and reminding him how much I love him. Not saying we’ve never had times where I didn’t want to strangle him, just saying there is so much good I could write a book. I do, though, promise to keep it on point.

And so it began October 11th, 2009. Why do I remember this date so well? I remember it, because it was the day God would use the Dallas Cowboys, the Kansas City Chiefs and MySpace to change my life forever. In the moment I never knew making fun of the Cowboys would bring together a subtle man from Texas and a feisty girl from New Jersey. 

I wasn’t looking for him nor was he looking for me. But before the beginning of time, God had a plan, he had a purpose and how he chose to set the path could never be remade on the Hallmark Channel or K-Drama even though the last month of binge watching has deemed itself pretty close. I say that because he took a near unbelievable story line and made it mine, for better or for worse. 

Roughly 1,513 miles and a simple 22 Hours and 35 minutes away, if you don’t stop to use the bathroom or get gas, two people happened to be at the same place at the same time. I have all too often loved to complain about how social media has been the bane of our existence, but the truth is without it I would have never been able to meet the man I would promise my life to. He made a snarky remark standing on his soap box regarding one of the most overrated football teams of all time in a lousy sports forum that I accidentally found myself in. It took three words and his desire for speaking out on things he’s passionate about. For most people the most life changing thing you can tell someone in three words are “I love you”. For me, it was “The Cowboys suck.” 

We must have went back and forth for a good 20-30 minutes before I decided to add him on MySpace. I mostly wanted to see how dumb he looked, but was at a loss when my request came with a private message that indicated he didn’t add strangers. I decided to leave it at that. Fortunately though, my vast knowledge of sports intrigued him and the following morning I had a new friend. Little did he know at the time that 2 minutes into our forum battle he lost me and I had to call my brother to help me keep it going so I could hold my pride. If you ever read this Kyle, thank you. 

I would have never guessed that just a few messages would evolve into over 5 years of late night phone calls, countless text messages and til you drop video chats. Would you believe me if I told you that I fell in love with Robert before I ever had the chance to look into his eyes, hold his hand or kiss his cheek? Well, it’s true. I can’t pinpoint the day or the time, but somewhere early on he stole my heart and I knew I would love him for the rest of my life. 

I often wonder if it was his enthusiasm when we spoke about Jesus, his integrity, patience, thoughtfulness, the way he prayed over me, his peculiar nerdy demeanor, the way he spoke about his parents or the fact that we desired so many of the same things in life. What I do know, is he sincerely pursued me each day for 5 years, most of which I was kept a secret. We didn’t mean for it to be quiet for so long, but I never thought we would have spent 5 years overcoming hills and valleys waiting on God to make a way. As the time continued to pass it just became harder to explain so we just let it be. In the meantime he made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry, he encouraged me when I wanted to give up, he prayed for me when dark clouds would roll through my life and not once did he ever ask for anything in return.  

At this point, I do indeed have tears rolling down my eyes as I write this. Over the last 11+ years I want to share with you that God has written the sweetest love story that continues to give me butterflies. My love story doesn’t entail a thoughtful introduction or date nights, but it does involve a lot of prayer and belief that God will work all things together for good to those who love Him, even when everything seems to be falling a part. I am guilty of forgetting that when I gave my life to Christ, I was given the opportunity to forget about death and live. I believe my love story and most of my life is God reinforcing eternity into my mind/spirit. I have always placed timelines and expectations on so many things when all God wanted was for me to live for him and allow him the opportunity to do his thing.

Not once has our story made sense, but if you want to see God’s work in faithfulness here it is. I can watch and dream out romantic love stories, but what God has taught me over all this time is it was never me. I wasn’t the hopeless romantic I always thought I was, I have been spending the last 11 years falling more in love with the hopeless romantic. Never my will, but God’s will be done and it was worth every moment we stood in waiting. 

I remember him telling me on our wedding day in the mere 15 minutes we had alone after we said I do, that he knew he loved me since the 12th phone call. He could even recall ending our phone call and in his head whispering, “I love you” and praying for God to make a way. In the moment he never anticipated God’s way would be far from our way and with every odd stacked against us. I have to admit it was not mine, but Robert’s faithful and patient spirit that carried us through. Even today when I tell him to fly his airplane hug to another landing strip, smack his hot sweaty hand away from mine, put a pillow in-between us and tell him to cuddle with that and tell him to go kiss the dogs he never loses hope and he never stops.

I close my eyes and I can still hear his tone weaken as he said goodnight in the early hours of the morning over the 5 endless years. I can still feel the excitement every time I received a hand written card or a gift. I can still sense the joy over the presence of the Holy Spirit every time we prayed together. I can still see his big smile and sealed eyes as I ran across an empty hospital parking lot as we shared our first kiss. I can still sense the anxiety as his hands rumbled while restarting the song he spent months recording with my Dad because he happened to lose my engagement ring in the process of trying to propose. I still feel my fearful heart warm as our eyes locked when I began to walk down the aisle. I can still see the dark circles around his eyes from the ongoing sleepless nights as we dealt with an unexpected illness early on in our marriage. I can still sense the grip of his hand increase as the tears rolled down our eyes when the doctor told us we will more than likely never have children of our own. I can even reminisce on his gaze of my hopeless and sulking head as he reassured me that even if he could do it all over again, it would have been me. I can see the fear in his eyes as our hands came apart as they wheeled me abruptly as my blood oxygen levels continued to plummet without an opportunity to say goodbye. I could continue, paragraph after paragraph, but I will end with the pain I could feel as he shared with us that the hospital couldn’t save my Fathers life.

He’s my biggest fan and truly believes that I can accomplish anything. Knowing my desire to write with a soft heart for sharing the blessings of Christ Jesus, he’s the one behind me starting this blog. He is actually the one who normally edits my blog posts, but in this case, I couldn’t let him this time around. With that said, please forgive all the errors as he is the smarter one out of the pair. 

I hope you understand why I wanted to share. A large part of my heart was to let this silly man know how much I love him and how much that love has grown throughout the years. Another part was to share how God took something that on paper and in the “real world” was impossible and turned it into something inevitable. For 5 years I shared every step of my life with a young man that lived over 1,500 miles away from me. He took his first breath on this earth 5 years before I would ever take mine. He also promised to love me forever 5 years ago today and he has yet to ever let me down. There is something sweet about that number 5 and I hope that if I ever feel doubt I can read through this and remember why. 

Happy Anniversary Robert Charles. I couldn’t share this one with you before I posted it, but I hope you know how much my heart loves you. I don’t have the sweet romantic spirit that you have, but I promise to keep trying by seeking God and asking him to help me love you the way you need to be loved. Thank you for waiting, for understanding and for holding onto your faith in Christ to show your walk of integrity and sincerity. 

Even when you’re having a breakdown for the silliest things, your patience in all the things that require a head held high has never disappointed. We’ve never been able to live out our lives like expected, but that look in your eyes and the fire in your heart makes me stop in my tracks quite often with that ear to ear smile. I guess you can keep the pocket speaker for other things as the radiance from your heart is enough for me. 

I’m so thankful to our Father in Heaven that he had us cross paths over that split second. I know it wasn’t by chance. He had a plan and I’m so happy we followed God. I’m so thankful that you dive into His word and His promises He laid out before the birth of our Savior. As we pray daily for miracles to have a family, you administer the infertility treatments and while we balance every other thing wrong with me, Thank you. 

I don’t know why you’re as sweet to me as you are. I guess I can truly see the reflection of God’s love through the way you love me each day. I’m so grateful for the last 5 years as your wife. You make me so proud day in and day out. I’m overwhelmed as our love story continues to be filmed as one of my favorite romanic novellas of all time. I hope that this brief reflection of our story encourages everyone waiting for God to open their door into a forever love would be patient and trust him. I also hope that anyone else who found their forever would reflect on their own romantic novella so they could be reminded to never let the fire burn out. 

Robert, I pray for you every morning when I wake up and every night before you go to bed. I promise to do this daily until God is done with my time here on earth. Aside from the day God took the whips and nails on behalf of my sin, you’re my greatest blessing. 

I love you. Forever and a Day… 

Kimberly 

P.S. No matter what age you pair us up at… I would have had a crush on you. 

The women of the world today are so obsessed with being unique that they haven’t realized they’ve only been the clay for the mold marketed to them through various media. I know this first hand, because I am one of them. 

Dr. Suess once said, “Why fit in, when you were born to stand out?” 

How can you not get on board with his point of thinking? Everything about you was created to be unique. You cannot be remade, nor can you be replaced, and I truly believe that was God’s intention.  The love for His creation is as unique as the creator Himself. In His image, for a reason and for a purpose. 

Ephesians 2:10 tells us we are God’s Masterpiece. Psalm 139 goes into depth on how much of a Masterpiece we are at the handy work of God, through Christ Jesus. That, in and of itself, should be enough to keep the fire of self worth burning throughout our time here on earth, yet we still find ourselves trying to find our place to love and be loved in return by those around us. Often, when I have shared these feelings, along with many of my other feelings and thoughts, I have run into a lot of solutions that fall on different parts of the spectrum. 

These solutions are shared with sincere intent, but always require me to do something more with myself to make myself more likable, more available and more flexible. I’m not saying that self improvement is harmful, because we are literally a work in progress. What I am saying is as a woman with a heart for Christ, why is it that whenever a need for love presents itself, it is so often met with a prayer and a solution that needs to be found somewhere else? 

For a long time, I tried to combat this with always having a table that was beautifully set and open for whoever wanted to sit at it. It didn’t matter who it was or where they came from, I never wanted anyone to feel the way I felt so often. I didn’t just want to find the solution, I wanted to be the solution. If God puts someone in my path and I have what is needed, why wouldn’t I pull up the chair and add a little bit more pasta to the pot? If only it could have been that easy. But, after so often pouring myself into others, while so often not feeling “poured into” in return, fatigue and disheartenment creeped in and the enemy began to squash my desire to be used by the Lord. 

I know I’m not the only one who has dealt with this, because as I scrolled through social media, I come across dozens of quotes that are often focused on loving yourself first, learning when to stop, removing toxic people from your life, stress/anxiety and many other passive ways to share how we are feeling inside. As a sister in Christ I was designed for community and fellowship, but every time I found it I was always given a list of expectations I could never live up too. I tried time and time again, but in the end always found myself sitting alone.

Around 2 years ago I decided to bow out gracefully from everything in my life. I was so disappointed in everything that surrounded the bricks that outlined the boundaries of my home I just locked the door and stayed where I was most happy, at home and with my family. 

I found myself in a place where I didn’t want to deal with adding chairs to my table for everyone else while no one had room at their table for me. I didn’t want to be silenced trying to meet the list of expectations when my heart wanted to burst with words for Christ. I didn’t want to gossip, just so I can have the interest of someone else. I didn’t want to deal with figuring out who I needed to be as a person in that very moment to avoid being shred to pieces. Finally, although I know there is more, I didn’t want to keep failing. 

One thing I know for sure is that you can avoid failure if you’re not doing anything at all, but the caveat of it all is that kicking your feet in the sand is listed nowhere in the book of life. The worst thing I did in my life was to stop moving. When I repented 18 years ago, I didn’t just do it for the past. In that moment I surrendered my life in repentance for the past, the present and for the future. 

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24

I was created, to be like God, in TRUE righteousness and holiness. The deeper I traveled into my closet and the more I dug into the word of God, the more I realized the disappointment that lingered and lead me into solitude was a direct result of not combating the lies of the enemy with the words of truth. 

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 

I read this verse and the first thing that shakes my spirit is to constantly be thinking of Christ. What else is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable but God? If my eyes were always pointing the direction they were supposed to be, I would have been able to combat the lies of the enemy with the truth of God. 

From the beginning of time, Satan has been twisting what is true and trying to convince us to live outside of the truth. In Genesis 3:1, we see the enemy using a different tone, changing a word, provoking our knowledge in Christ to lead us further away from our savior. He knows the further he pulls us away from the light of the Creator, the easier it becomes for darkness to overtake our lives. The easier it will be for us to see what is dishonest, what is dishonorable, what is wrong, what is unclean, what is ugly and what is deplorable. 

The only problem is, once he feeds you with the lies, he hides like the lowly serpent that he is and these reflections fall on God’s creation. It reflects on your family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances and people you’ve never met in your life, that you were called to love without the expectation of love in return.

Psalm 145 overflows and exemplifies God’s love in action. “The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made”. “The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down”. “The Lord watches over all who love him”.

We’re reminded over and over in this Psalm that God’s love is without limit and favoritism. And as we travel into the New Testament he reveals the greatest expression when “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 

If I am called to be like God, in TRUE righteousness and holiness (spoiler: I am), then it’s clear Toxicity is a direct result of sin and is amplified by the lies of satan. My disappointment should have never lingered to my point of solitude. My love should have been magnified through the eye of Christ and surrounded by compassion. My table should have remained open and ready to take on anyone looking to seek rest and a good latte with complete understanding they may stay for awhile or they may up and leave alone or with a few guests without as much as a thank you. They may even leave a bad review on yelp! But that’s ok, I am not everyone’s cup of tea.

My table might not be what they are needing in this season or for this moment. Their struggle may not be what my heart is set to offer as a solution. I just need to trust God and let Him fill my table with the people he has designed for me in that given moment. When the season ends, I need to let them go in prayer and love and keep moving. To be surrendered to Christ, living in grace through repentance and buried in His truth as a complete reflection of our father in heaven. 

Somewhere down the road, disappointment and the need for perfection cross paths and that is where the enemy swarms to bring toxicity. The enemy is toxic but our Father is the Great Physician. His word combats the deceit. The key is to nip it in the bud by always being aware and prepared. Life changes so quickly, but the word of God will forever remain the same. Life isn’t based on feelings, it’s based on truth and God = Truth. Disappointment was never on God’s agenda, but joy is. I choose joy. 

So as I navigate out of my time in solitude I will remind myself daily, sometimes I will be the soil, other times I will plant the seed, maybe I’ll be the fertilizer and some other times I’ll get to be that reflection of light in Christ that allows the plant to grow. Maybe, God will just have me looking over his garden as it progresses, either way, I’m unique, I’m loved, I’m needed and I was created for such a time as this, and all of that is fulfilled by Jesus Christ. Everything else is simply a bonus. 

My table is always open and there will always be at least 2 of us there, Me and our Creator with plenty of room for more.

I Love You!

Kimberly 

I’ve been trying to get myself to a point that I can come back to the keyboard and type my inner music into words. No, I’m not a musician and no, I can’t sing the things that flow through my heart. But, my intentions are to bring God glory, and the words from my heart to the keyboard are my praise and worship to my father up in heaven. So, here I am, with arms open ready to give him glory. 

I was bed ridden and sick with COVID-19 when I wrote my last blog note. I knew in my heart that if I posted it, something life changing would happen. I could feel it throughout my spirit. I held back a few days, but the presence of assurance and pressure in my heart lead me to upload it. Only God knows why, but just a few days later I watched my father transition his life out of this earth into the ultimate healing and into the arms of our Lord and Savior. 

To say it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life would be an understatement, as I watched the paramedics perform CPR on my father for what seemed like hours. Frozen in time, it was the first time in my life that my heart had absolutely nothing flowing. I wanted to pray, I wanted to plead, I wanted the words “Talitha Koum” to come from my mouth and I wanted the Holy Spirit to work into the heart of my father and be the power the defibrillator wasn’t in that very moment. I saw my best friend clutching onto my Mother as my Husband grabbed onto my cold hand, and empty and emotionless tears rolled down my eyes. 

Christmas decorations still filled every nook and cranny of our home, and in the center of it all were scattered face masks, shields, gloves, body covers, portable machines, random wires and the drippings of sweat on the floor from the men who worked so hard to save my fathers’ life. The strongest man I had ever known, who was never sick, never missed a day of work, and was afraid of nothing collapsed from everything to nothing in under 30 minutes. 

Still cold and without emotion, I looked back at my moments of silence and was confused at my inability to cry out to God. The prayer warrior in me that could manage to cry out to her Father in heaven for a turtle crossing a busy roadway couldn’t cry out for her father on earth for a miracle when he needed it the most. 

I was at the Emergency Room just a few short hours later for my mother, who herself had been battling COVID-19. Since the loss of my Father, her breathing had become more restricted and she too was feeling more lifeless than she had just 8 hours before. They initially wouldn’t let me into her room, but after taking her bloodwork/vitals, they allowed me to walk in and hold her hand. By that point I had not rested in 29 hours, and with my eyes stuck in an open and dreary position, I listened to the doctors speak words that continued to further numb my body. 

The head physician on staff read through her vitals, telling us she would remain on the B-PAP machine before having her transferred to the Intensive Care Unit at a larger hospital where they fully expected to transition her over to a ventilator.  The doctor said before they moved her, they wanted to make sure it was in her wishes to be placed on one. She looked me in the eyes and told me she didn’t want me to lose her too. 

I have to pause for a moment and share the following verse with you for the next part of my story to make sense:

“If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.”  2 Timothy 2:13

I looked into my mother’s eyes and told her she didn’t have to worry about me, that God had my heart and my spirit in the palm of His hands. I let her know that it would be her choice to take the ventilator and that I would love her no matter what the outcome, with or without it. With the little strength she did have, she squeezed my hand and told me she wanted to live. She then looked into the Physicians eyes and told him to do whatever it takes. I signed paperwork as her witness and I gave my mom what in that moment I believed was going to be the last hug I would ever give her alive. As they moved her to the stretcher so she could get into the ambulance, I thanked the doctor for his honesty and that no matter what the outcome, I knew I was leaving her in the best hands. 

If you had asked me 1 year ago what would have happened in this very moment of my life, I would have told you that I would have been distraught, broken, screaming, uncontrolled, riddled with sadness, angry and without hope. Yet, because of God’s faithfulness in my faithless body, I was intact, reserved, at peace and hanging on with hope that was shining directly from the Holy Spirit. I wasn’t expecting my Mom to live, but I knew in my heart that I would be ok because my God is faithful. He is my strength when I am weak, my joy when I am sad, my peace when I am angry, and He is the rock to which I stand. And just like that, I had nothing to fear. 

I walked through the automatic doors of the emergency room and I fell into my husbands arms and wept. I didn’t cry out of fear or even sadness, I cried at the goodness of my Father in heaven. He told me he would never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6),  but for the first time in my life, I felt the words spoken into my heart since I was a young girl live out right before my eyes. After I got myself together, I gathered hands with my husband, my brothers, my sister-in law, my nieces and my mother-in-law and prayed. Right in front of the hospital, in a connected circle, we left my mother in God’s hands. 

Later that evening I called the ICU at the hospital where they took my mother to see how she was coming along. They transferred me to the nurses station and before I could even get my mom’s entire name out, they said with unexpected enthusiasm that she was doing great. They told me the B-Pap machine they had placed her on at the prior hospital, which didn’t seem to be doing the job, was now too much for her lungs. They told me they had placed her on the machine beneath it. They then advised that they had run her blood work to prepare her for a round of dialysis, but that Mom’s kidneys that had been failing just a few hours before were no longer in a place where dialysis would be necessary. I ended the call and sprung out of my bed and began to praise God with everything I had left in me. In that moment I knew that God was going to save my Mom’s life. I wasn’t sure how long it would take, but I knew in my heart He wasn’t done with her yet. 

“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” John 4:16

God didn’t take my Father away from me. He blessed me with 31 earthly years of life with him and transitioned him to the place where my prayers of peace, rest and healing would become a reality. Why did he do this? Because He loves me, and if I ever question His love for me all I need to do is open up His word and allow myself to be quickly reminded like He does in John 4:16. God also chose to give my Mom more time here on earth, and since she was released from the hospital has continued to sustain her with a heart filled with joy even during her darkest of days. We have chosen not to be sad, but to live in joy and happiness in wild memory of my father Jesus. My earthly father Jesus. It’s funny they have the same name. 

I’m going to share with you the Obituary I wrote for my Father after he passed away. I never sent it to the funeral home/director because I clearly remember my Dad telling me that if he ever dies, not to allow his obituary to reach the news paper because he doesn’t want his identity stolen and voting democrat while he’s dead. 

Oh, my father…

So, I’m sharing it here instead, where the only people who read it will be the few and far between, and it will be much less likely to fall into the hands he didn’t want them to end up in.

Also, I’m praying and thanking God for his goodness and His grace. 

Happy Tuesday,

Kimberly 

Jesus LeBron Jr. was united with his Lord and Savior on the early morning hours of January 25th, 2021, just less than 3 months shy of turning 65 and collecting his Social Security. Somehow Jesus knew he would either die before he reached this age, or all the money he put in since he was 16 would have been drained, and he would be left working until the day he died regardless, because he mentioned it every time he turned on the news. 

Jesus was born March 13th, 1956 in Upper Manhattan, New York. He was raised there by his parents Jesus LeBron Sr. and Maria Lourdes (Maldonado) LeBron, before he decided he didn’t like New York anymore, so he moved to New Jersey. Jesus realized he didn’t like New Jersey either, so he moved to Pennsylvania. He realized he didn’t like it there either, so he moved to Texas, where he found home because he never had to shovel snow again and could enjoy the Texas heat with his beloved chihuahua Charlie. 

Jesus was known for not liking things, but the things he did like, he loved with a strong and sincere heart. Those things are limited to Jesus Christ, his family, his friends, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and playing his drums. You might think we are joking with the KFC inclusion, but if you’re wondering why KFC remains in business, it was at the hand of their $5 fill-up and through the wallet of Jesus LeBron. Jesus could eat KFC, play the drums, and spend unlimited amounts of time with his friends and family and be the happiest man in the world. Unfortunately, he had to work in-between all of that, but it never stopped him or his dreams to become a better drummer on the daily, bringing smiles to peoples’ faces and glory to the Father up in heaven. 

Jesus loved to play rock, fusion, jazz, and christian/gospel music. After moving to Texas, he even took a strong liking to country. He loved writing his own musical lyrics to go with his tight percussion licks, but it was sure never to go further than his family that loved to bust his chops and ensured he stuck to drums. 

He received the first few pieces of his forever drum set from family as a young man, and he continued to add to it into his 60’s. You’d never know it was a butcher block Ludwig classic from the 70’s looking at it, because it was treated with tender love and care. His wife, children, and grandchildren got the pleasure of growing up watching him build this set and play it almost on a daily basis. The same set his son and daughter, born in the 80’s, danced to is the same set his granddaughters, who were born just several years ago, also danced to. 

Aside from being an amazing musician, he was also an amazing provider, ensuring his wife and kids always had the very best. His family was always his first priority, and that always showed in the way he chose to live his life.

Even though Jesus was pretty darn amazing, he was also a real pain in the butt that loved to complain, so it was by the sweet grace of God that he managed to remain happily married to his surviving wife Claudia LeBron for 38 years. He is also survived by his son Kyle LeBron and his wife Nicole, his daughter Kimberly Allred and her husband Robert, his son at heart Joshua Bowker (who has no wife, but is single, available and not too picky), his sister Nilsa LeBron, who thought she was medically worse-off than her older brother (1 point Jesus!), his brother Enrique LeBron, his sister Marisol LeBron, his granddaughters Amber and Aurora, and many nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles (because lets be real, Puerto Ricans stay busy!). He is predeceased by his father Jesus LeBron Sr., his mother Maria Lourdes (Maldonado) LeBron, and his baby sister Elaine LeBron.

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for you Jesus, or in awe of You be still? Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing Hallelujah? Will I be able to speak at all? Oh dear Jesus, I can only imagine. 

This song captivated my heart in such a way that it has highlighted my life at random since the first time I heard it. Would you believe it if I told you the first time I heard this song was on New York City’s #1 Hit Music Station Z100? Well you better believe it, because I was sitting in a little car outside of a shabby shop somewhere in Jersey City when this sweet hymn graced my ears. 

I remember the radio station remarking that so many requests had come through for this song that it had made a crossover from the Christian Music Station to Z100’s Secular Station, and that they had been playing it at the top of the hour, every hour, due to the overflow of requests that had been coming through. 

If you haven’t heard the song (MercyMe’s “I Can Only Imagine”), take a few minutes and you’ll understand why. It’s definitely one of those “more about Him and less about you” songs. The type of song that reminds you of who He is and who you are only in Him. It’s the kind of song that puts you in your place and sands down the rough edges to soften your spirit to the greatness that is God the Father. 

“Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?!”

“The Lord formed me from the beginning, before he created anything else. I was appointment in ages past, at the very first, before the earth began. I was born before the oceans were created, before the springs bubbled forth their waters. Before the mountains were formed, before the hills, I was born before he had made the earth and fields and the first handfuls of soil. I was there when he established the heavens, when he drew the horizon on the oceans. I was there when he set the clouds above, when he established springs deep in the earth. I was there when he set limits of the seas, so they would not spread beyond their boundaries. And when he marked off the earth’s foundations, I was the architect at his side. I was his constant delight, rejoicing always in his presence. And how happy I was with the world he created: how I rejoiced with the human family! “And so, my children, listen to me, for all who follow my ways are joyful. Listen to my instruction and be wise. Don’t ignore it. Joyful are those who listen to me, watching for me daily at my gates, waiting for me outside my home! For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord. But those who miss me injure themselves. All who hate me love death.” Proverbs 8: 22-36 

The greatness of God is bewildering to an empty spirit. But, to a spirit surrendered to a complete understanding of His wonders, it is what makes it complete. How could we not collapse at the Glory that is in Christ Jesus? It’s the words before and surrounded that adds fuel to the fire in my heart. Even the effervescent and speedily racing heart I have been handling over the last few weeks is in awe of the greatness of God. 

Its moments like these that God allows in our lives to remind us who we are without the precious love of Jesus. I started writing my New Years Blog prior to the New Year, with so much joy and excitement for what I knew God had in store for 2021. With a hopeful spirit, I began piecing together  my anticipation of greatness for this up and coming year as I prayed love, joy, hope, health and restoration over my family. Little did I know that before February, God would grant my basket of hope and allow me to experience a greatness of His love and power that could not be wavered nor moved. 

Did it happen in the way I had hoped? Of course not! As I write this to you, I still can’t breath on my own and need help walking from my bed to my bathroom but my heart is overflowing with so much joy I just can’t contain myself. My heart has been transitioning back and forth from dreaming about what it would be like to see His face to what a mighty God He is as my heart bursts into singing “What a Mighty God we Serve!” 

“The earth is the LORDS, and EVERYTHING in it, the world, and all who live in it; for He founded it on the seas and established it on the waters. Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord? Who may stand in His Holy Place? 

The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god. They will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God their Savor. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek Your face, God of Jacob. Lift up your heads, you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. 

Who is the King of glory? The Lord STRONG and MIGHTY, the Lord MIGHTY in battle. Lift up your heads, you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is he, this King of glory? The Lord Almighty – HE IS THE KING OF GLORY.”  Psalm 24: 1-10 

I cry out Hallelujah as tears flow down my eyes. I am sincerely laying here writing to you and rolling with the punches waiting for our prayers to be answered and for the goodness and grace of our Father to prevail. Why? Because I can, and because I have the authority through Christ Jesus, and that is where my joy and my hope stems to overcome. I have no answers. I don’t know what God’s ultimate plan is. I have no idea what is to come just a breath away, but there are things I do know and those are the things I need to stand firm on. 

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed” 

2 Corinthians 4: 8-9

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8

Life may throw us curve balls and bring us through intense obstacle courses, but God has already won the war and our fates are sealed in Christ Jesus so we have NOTHING to fear because we will never be abandoned, struck down or destroyed. So, we can fixate on all things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable because God already handled it all for us. 

“For the Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.” Job 33.4 

It always has been Him and it always will be Him. The one who gives me life and breaths breath into my lungs no matter what the circumstances. So until the day he calls me home I will use them to their full capacity for His Glory and His Honor. So sit down COVID-19 in your place, and let my God of wonders do His thing in this place for His Glory. 

How I wish I didn’t spend so much time worrying about things that have always been outside of my control and placed all of that time into my life in Christ Jesus?! You know I am a dreamer, but when did I forget that my dream is to meet my Savior and for Him to open that gate and look upon me with proud eyes of the life I lived for Him with grace and honor for who He is? 

Oh Lord, if I had my choice God, I would choose You every time. Thank you so much for allowing me to endure, but never leaving my side and the way you’re working through me and my loved ones through it. My heart is at peace and it is through you I am here. 

I am expecting great things but will love you no matter what the outcome, because You are Worthy. Abba Father. All praise, honor and glory be to you! This has been a post in the making to my never ending New Year.

It’s Christmas Eve and my heart is bubbling with so much joy and excitement, I can’t even contain my outbursts of laughter and dancing. I’ve been planning 364 days for this moment to break bread with some of my favorite people in the entire world, and it will be here tomorrow. I should be laying in bed fast asleep with all the preparation I have executed in the last 12 hours, but I just can’t close my eyes. Not much has changed since I was 5 years old and I rolled around in bed on Christmas Eve with too much excitement to cross over into the land of rest, and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

It was through the birth of our servant Jesus Christ that I have the opportunity to write the words of my heart and embrace the never ending joy of this day that is just hours away. It is true, God sent his son Jesus to be a servant to live for our eternity, and it’s that truth that inspires my heart to be a servant to celebrate our eternity on this day that is all about Him and His selfless love for us. 

There are so many ways to live in celebration of God’s birth. For me, I picked up the torch my Mother lit when I was just a little girl, and I use it as a way to bring family together to eat, drink and love on one another with sweet laughter for just a few hours in the presence of our Savior. Yes, He’s here now and He will be there tomorrow because not only have I been strategically planning how I will decorate the house, what candle I will light, what place settings I will pull from the red barn, what drinks I will serve, what appetizers I will make, and what will be on the plate for dinner, but I have been praying over my family and this home for God to overwhelm them with His presence, peace and purpose from the second they turn onto my road and set eyes on this house God has given me.

I’ve learned over time that you need to embrace the way you love and emit it with confidence and dignity, even if it seems like everyone would prefer it differently. I love the expression “Be who God created you to be”, just make sure you don’t take God out of the equation because you will find yourself confused and lost. Seek Him with sincerity and determination to find that wholeness in yourself and your relationship with Him.

I say this because of the following:

“Don’t be like them, for the Father knows what you need before you ask Him.” Matthew 6:8

God KNOWS what you need before you ask Him. That means He knows what everyone else needs before they ask Him. So if YOU were placed in someone’s life for a moment or a season, it was who you were created to be in the eyes of God that they needed. Don’t change or conform. Love fiercely the way you love best even when others look to you like you’re out of your mind. Your friend Kimberly over here has become accustomed to that look and now she smiles when it meets her face to face.

You see, in my case I love through silent prayer, big hugs, lots of in-person chatter, my home and big plates of home cooked meals. You can imagine what social distancing has done to my methods to which I show my love. That is why I cherish moments like tomorrow, because you never know when the opportunity won’t present itself any longer. 

I wanted to share a little bit of my madness and show you how easy it is to ninja your way through hosting with ease, so you too can bring your family together and create a moment to be remembered for generations to come. 

First, pick a date and a time and run with it. The people who were meant to be there will be able to make it. Those who can’t just open up another opportunity for an alternate celebration/get together in the future.

Second, create a menu and stick with it. This is my BIGGEST challenge as most of the time, I feel like I have multiple personalities, living in various locations, strutting with alternative styles and personalities looking to throw a get together in one location and with one theme.

I’m going to share with you The Menu I decided to prepare for Christmas this year. This comes with years of putting things together, so it may seem like a bit much, but once you learn the things you can cook in advance and store up until the party date, you realize baby steps create something pretty magnificent overtime.

The Menu

Cocktails 

Very Merry Buck & Cranberry Mules

Appetizers

Vegetable Crudités Platter + Fruit Cheese and Cracker Platter + Texas Twinkies + Deviled Eggs + Shrimp Cocktail + Texas Trash Dip + Salsa

Dinner

Cesar Salad + Filet Mignon + Oven Baked Potatoes (With all the Fixin’s) + Corn + Bread & Butter (LOTS OF BUTTER)

Dessert 

Everything you see above was either hand sliced or homemade. This goes down to the Cesar Dressing and the Croutons. Unfortunately, this means that ain’t nobody had time for Dessert. In order to stick to the theme, I did some digging and opted for pies to go with our Texas Steak themed Christmas Menu. I used my pretty impressive computer skills to order 4 pies from Emporium Pies in Deep Ellum Texas. Therefore Mi Familia will be enjoying the following pies post Christmas Dinner.

The Drunken Nut + The Smooth Operator + Lord of the Pies + Snowball 

Mini Blue Bell Vanilla Ice Creams

&

Homemade Cookies (Thank you Joshua < My Best Friend) He worked so hard to make the best cookies to enjoy on Christmas.

Third, set the tone for your celebration. Since this is Christmas, that is super easy. The house is already decorated for the season and the music playlists have been preset for years prior too. It doesn’t take very much to brush up the house. Even a string of lights and a cinnamon candle can make a world of difference.

Then, last but not least… PRAY PRAY PRAY! I pray every morning for my day and can tell the differences when I don’t. So, alas, I pray before every family get together and celebration. I pray for each person, the house, me, my husband, and the food. Especially the food… I only have 3 toilets and there is nowhere to hide it outside, so things need to go right. Enclosed are some preparations of the house and decor. I’ll be sure to post the food and celebrations once completed.

To think, even on a day that is all about Jesus and the beginning of His plan for our Salvation, He still gives over His joy in celebration to us. I can’t imagine life without Him. What a beautiful name, what a Glorious Father, what a Wonderful Savior, and what a Blessed Redeemer.

Merry Christmas.

I’m not sure about you, but your homegirl over here is a dreamer. I am pretty sure I have dreamt up every stage of my life and how I hoped it would play out. By the time I was 14 years old, I had my whole life mapped out down to the names of my children. Fast forward 17 years later and absolutely NOTHING I hoped for happened the way I had planned. If it did, I would be a teacher in a lovely school, in a lovely neighborhood, married to a baseball and Jesus loving Italian Man with a HUGE family that loves to get together on Sundays for garlicy, gravy covered pasta and a shot of double espresso. We would live in New Jersey somewhere close to New York City, and we would travel often to places I’ve never seen before in anticipation of a new and exciting adventure on the regular. 

As time passed and I had to make changes to my hopes, dreams, and expectations because they weren’t coming to fruition, I grew extremely tired and worn out. After graduating high school and transitioning to College, I opted not to go to school for education. When I found out what the starting salary for a teacher was in the greater Tri-State area, I enrolled to be a business major instead. I immediately started working two jobs at over 50+ hours per week, while taking 18 credits on a local campus, to try and keep my life on track for my goals. I worked, drove, and did so much schoolwork that I barely ever slept. My friends became my late-night workers at Domino’s, while delivering pizza and working through homework on most evenings throughout the week and weekends.

I rarely got to see my family, so I was thankful for evolving technology, as it allowed me to talk on cell phones and send text messages to keep in touch. I figured if I made it through this chapter, by my early 20’s I would be married and could start a family without having to live paycheck to paycheck. I saw my parents work so hard throughout my childhood without reserve, taking the little extra they had and helping others with it. I wanted to get to a point in life where I could take care of them the way they took care of me, and so many others who came their way. I wanted to wrap their desires into little boxes and watch them smile with joy as they were realized, just like I would as a child on Christmas morning.

I wanted to find and marry a man who was the same at church as he was at home. I kept my eye wide open as I meandered my way through life, waiting for God to open the door to the person I would share the rest of my life with. Little did I know, it would happen when my eyes weren’t in focus, at a time way past my expectations, and lead me to a place far away from everything I knew. One day I would love to tell you about how I met Robert, and how we didn’t even make eye contact, in person, for the first five years that we knew each other, how I would disconnect a phone and hold it close to my heart as my lips managed to sputter the words “I love you” into silent air, the blindfold, the rollercoaster without knowledge of what would happen next, or how God would use our relationship to change me as a person that would grow closer to Christ. One day… I promise. 

Today, this is a just a reflection of what dreams, plans and expectation can have on your life, and how living with a plan for tomorrow and not a whirlwind of love for today, can make you miss so many moments sent by God to bring you unmistakable joy. I am not trying to eclipse the dreams of the dreamer or put a wrench into the desires of the hard worker. I will be the first to tell you that so much of what is good in my life started with dreams, developed with hard work and finished with ambition and perseverance. But, if you don’t let God be the one to walk you through the process in His timing, for His purpose, and for His glory, you are going to miss out on so much He has in store for your life to bring you joy and to fulfill the desires of your heart. 

This is 31-year-old Kimberly, wishing she could tell 14-year-old Kimberly to just love Jesus and work hard, while loving life, and then to live that life not one day, but one breath at a time, while He fulfills the desires of your heart. I could write examples for hours, but in this moment, I am going to share with you the greatest blessing of my life, and that is my husband Robert. Oh, this man! I want to tell you that we all have our problems, and no one is perfect to sound more realistic, but the last 11 years of my life I have fallen more and more in love with him. This may be a surprise (or not depending on who is reading), but he is the furthest thing from Italian, he’s never been to Long Island, he doesn’t love Baseball or the Yankees, his family is smaller and often prefer to love me from their own living rooms, and if you told him you were putting gravy on pasta, he would assume you were putting on flour based gravy you normally put on biscuits!

Out of all the plans and dreams I had for the man that would one day be my husband, the only one that God honored was the one that was aligned directly with Him, and that was his heart for Christ. Little did I know that would be the only one that truly mattered, and the only one I needed. It didn’t happen on my terms, it didn’t happen in my plan, and it didn’t happen in my timing, but whether it be intentionally or reluctantly, I am so glad I waited on God to do His thing for me. Because, when I’m feeling my most broken, sick, hurt or confused, I know I have my husband who will kneel down over my vulnerable spirit and heart, praying to God the Father for my healing without request. 

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9

I might have used my husband as my prime example, but this goes for so many things in our lives. God is not early, slow, or late. God is always on time. I no longer regret my decisions or hide my past or my present. I still dream daily and make plans. The only difference is I let myself learn from my decisions, I let the blood of Jesus cover my sins, I try my best to focus on Christ and His daily plans for my life, and not the lives of people around me, and my prayers over my dreams always end with “If it’s going to bring You Glory”. 

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Esther. Mostly because whenever we had a sermon on Sunday’s that didn’t really hit home, I would read through Esther with just enough time to make it down the aisle for communion. I often soaked in the story of Esther and allowed it to sit and foster the type of woman I wanted to be. If you haven’t had the chance to read through Esther, I really encourage you to do so. She took initiative and through complete faith and courage she allowed her values to overcome herself to let God work through her to save her own people. She did this with honesty and respect, which captivates my heart every day. When I get to Esther 4:14, I let Mordecai speak to me. I may not be a Queen, but I am a daughter of the King, needing to spread the word of God to anyone who will hear, who perhaps was made to live for such a time as this. 

Love,

Kimberly

P.S. Here is a picture of one of the greatest gifts God has given me. My heart still flutters when he walks in a room. You’re worth it and the wait just gives you more time to grow closer to The Father. Don’t waste it.